Every parent wants to form a close bond with their children, a bond linked by love, emotions, caring and sharing.
They want their child to stay connected with them and to be their best friends. For this, they look for a proper parenting method. Some parents like to eat together, go out with their kids while some rarely do that. Some want their children to be disciplined so they stress on following rules and regulations. At the end, what all want is a guide to develop a healthy relationship with their children.
According to Mayim Bialik, an American actress, scientist and an author, attachment parenting is an umbrella term that is used to describe what a lot of people consider ‘mammalian parenting’. Just like the way mammals parent their babies, it is to give birth to the babies, to nurse them, to sleep safely near them which is healthy for all sorts of hormonal reasons to keep your baby close to you. A lot of things including breast feeding, colic and things like that so people who are attachment parents it is not like it is an all-or-nothing business.
There are people who have had c-sections who are attachment parents and people who don’t breastfeed or don’t want to breastfeed, it’s literally an umbrella term that has become so politicized. It basically refers to parenting the way your body naturally is inclined to parent and all of the other modifications that we make because of work and personal choices.It certainly doesn’t invalidate your goodness as a parent.
The question is whether attachment parenting is an effective approach to build a relationship that all parents desire. Unlike parents, who give all their love and attachment to their babies the day he is born, children form hierarchies of attachment with their parents. They like to be with the person who for them is the source of their comfort and peace.
According to researchers, what is important is that the baby develops a generalized trust that their caregiver will respond and meet their needs, or that when disparities occur, the caregiver will repair them. This flow of mismatches and repairs offers the optimal amount of fitting together and stress for a baby to develop both self-confidence and coping skills.
“There’s a difference between a ‘tight’ connection and a secure attachment,” Sroufe explains. “A tight attachment—together all the time—might actually be an anxious attachment.”
A healthier approach is that parents should create a secure connection instead of immensely relying upon the concept of attachment parenting. They should make sure that their kids feel more secure and safe around them. Kids should perceive a bond of friendship so that they can share with them anything without a thought of being judged or ridiculed. The MLSRA studies showed that children with a secure attachment history were more likely to develop:
- A greater sense of self-agency
- Better emotional regulation
- Higher self-esteem
- Better coping under stress
- Closer friendships in middle childhood
- Better coordination of friendships and social groups in adolescence
- More trusting and positive romantic relationships in adulthood
- Greater social competence
- More leadership qualities
- Happier and better relationships with parents and siblings
Keep in mind that attachment is not destiny. it depends on what else comes along. A poor start in life can be mended in a consequent relationship with a good mentor, a healthy romance, or constructive therapy.